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Could it be that my body was made to keep yours warm? Even when I’m cold. Especially when I’m cold.
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(via youcantchosewhatstays)
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I was cleaning my room and packing for when I start over when I came across my suicide note. I read it imagining I was reading it as someone else and it didn’t make it any easier. It didn’t make it anything. I hated it. I hate how I feel that way, and how it never seems to go. I hate how I’m scared every minute that it will come back. I can’t wait until I don’t have to be afraid. But part of me doesn’t think a day without fear will ever happen. Part of me can’t wait for this all to be a memory, while the other part of me knows that day will never come.
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I love the feeling of being nothing. It’s the only time where my existence is aligned with how I perceive myself. Lately, this feeling hasn’t come. I have someone in my life who makes me feel like something that is enough no matter how I feel. Sometimes I am grateful, but at the same time I’m scared. All of this is unknown, and I’m scared that I’ll start believing I am enough only to be disappointed in the end when I find out I’m not. I have taught myself to expect nothing from others, it’s the only way I don’t get hurt. But what if there’s more to all this then just protecting myself? What if it’s actually worth it? What if this matters and I’m too scared to let it swallow me? What if I lose my chance? No. I had promised myself long ago and many times that I would never let my fears rule my life. I remember all too well what that was like, and I refuse to give up and go back. This time I will be better, and stronger, and I will prove to you that I am worth it. Maybe this time I’ll believe it.
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I can’t do it for me, not yet. But I did it. Every day it seems to get harder, every day without. But I did it. Sometimes I think the hardest part is after it’s done. It’s all gone, and watching them wash down the drain made the weight in my chest press even harder against me. I need them. But I won’t. Not ever. I promise because you deserve better, so I will be better. One day I’ll be enough.
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Salty hands by Sophiehoney
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I feel it deep within. I feel it just beneath my skin. I struggle to maintain it inside, I try in vain to prevent it from escaping. This part of me that no one sees must remain so. My pulse quickens with my stride, I feel it bursting from me and I can’t stop it. This monstrous part of me I refuse to accept is pouring from me. I run as fast as I can but I can’t escape it. No, it’s a part of me. Already it has latched onto my shambled innards refusing to let me go.
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Anonymous asked: Have you done tumblrdatinggame(.)com yet?
I don’t even know what this is :P
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Today felt like it was a bad day, but something tells me the day was fine, I was just bad in it.
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